There are many roads to choose in life. Some of them are much more joyful than others.
I was an attorney for over 30 years. Not the most joyful road to take. And, my body knew it.
It told me in all sorts of ways, on many days, for many years. I had five surgeries in 20 years.
But I, like many others in our culture, was taught to ignore my body’s natural, innate abilities and signals. My brain was in charge. To be clear, I don’t discount the value of my brain. But, I now truly believe that my body holds the wisdom. And the answers. The answers to the important questions in life.
Who am I?
What do I need?
What fills me with joy?
Accessing my body to answer those questions for me, has calmed the anxiety. The worry I used to have about what others think of me. And, I have (mostly) stopped trying to maintain my life according to someone else’s arcane rules and standards. Many of those rules I adopted, and was almost coerced to adopt as my own, to conform, without stopping to think, do these rules apply to me? Some of those rules I adapted, for very good reasons, like survival, when I was much younger. Yet, I’m not 5, or 7 or 12 years old anymore !
Please don’t get confused by the titles -- Certified Somatic Sex Educator and Certified Sexological Bodyworker. We can talk about your sex life, and any relationship or intimacy issues you might have. But, ultimately, this work can be much more about your “life” than it is just about “sex”. Together, we can stimulate arousal in your body, and utilize your own erotic energy to encourage your body to heal itself. Your erotic energy will heal your body and reset your central nervous system, and remove blockages that your body set up, mostly to protect yourself, which may not be useful to you anymore. There might be energy and unexpressed emotions stuck in places in your body that keep you stuck in your life. This type of work can literally increase your capacity to feel joy in your body, also increasing your capacity to feel joy in your life. It cultivates and stimulates your ability to know what YOUR body needs to heal yourself. Your body is in charge. And, it is designed not to overload itself. You will go at your own pace -- never more than you can handle at any time.
I am your guide on this road. I hold a safe space for you, and accompany you, under strict ethical guidelines. We don’t have sex. I don’t take my clothes off. I will always have gloves on if I touch your genitals, which will always be with your consent. Our complete focus is on you and your erotic energy, not mine. This is about your ability to fully access your body’s innate wisdom. You might also have to confront the shame that might be stuck in your body, about feeling pleasure in your body. Most of us are taught not to feel pleasure in our body. Babies play with their genitals because it feels good (until someone stops them). The first lesson against feeling pleasure in our own body. And, then we are taught not to masturbate, by our families, cultural standards, and religious beliefs. And, we all know the stories we were told about what was going to happen to us if we masturbated. The second lesson against feeling pleasure in our own body. And, those lessons continued.
You might also come up against body shame issues.
Too fat? Too skinny? Hair too dark? Too curly? Too little? Too big ?
I believed I was too short, too fat, too dark – my idealized standard was the southern California beach boy. But, my ancestors are Eastern European – no surfers there! Full acceptance of our bodies, where we will spend our entire lives, is a crucial component of this work.
I work with people who have specific sex, relationship or intimacy related issues. Resolving those will typically lead to increased joy in your (sex) life. And, wanting to experience more pleasure in your body and joy in your life can also be your main goal. And, then we can just see what comes up during the process. What is interfering with your ability to experience more joy in your life?